AHHHHH!

Today has been a really crappy day. I am completely stressed and feel like I am on the brink of snapping any moment. Granted, Mondays are usually rough at work but this one hit me even harder and most of it had nothing to do with work at all.

I hate to get overly personal but if your a woman you might understand this one. Have you ever had a late period? The one that you know is coming but its stalled for no reason at all. Your hormones are at their peak, everything irritates you, your head throbs with vicious head aches, you want to eat everything in sight, and you have cramps like you have never had before.

Needless to say everything at work today feels like it went wrong, I couldn't get anything right, my boss seemed annoyed with me (I was annoyed with everyone), our weekly supervisor meeting lasted 45 minutes longer than it should have (with my husband blowing up my phone, that was on vibrate in my pocket, because I hadn't text him yet) and the day just sucked.

On my way home I stopped at the store to get some medicated shampoo for the dogs because they are pulling their fur out due to some weird itchy dry skin thing (no fleas) and everyone in the store was in my way. I get out of the store and bump the van next to me with my hip and the woman in the van glares at me like I smacked it with a hammer and left a fat dent. All this while talking on the phone with my husband who wouldn't stop talking long enough to hear anything I said to him.

Once I was finally headed down the road my husband called me again to tell me about a letter that we got from DSHS. Again they have sent our adoption papers back to us saying that things were not in our paper work and those things ARE in the paper work. I am so sick of that! Last time they even highlighted answers to questions saying that I didn't answer them. All this when I thought that we were done with all of the paper work from the application.

Its 5:45pm, my husband is off work at 6:30pm, I haven't made dinner, I don't want to make dinner and I don't really want to eat anything at all. I just want a hot cup of tea, my PJ's, a movie on my lap top and to be in bed. I am really done with this day.

Long Time, No Post....

I know, its been a long time since I last posted and I keep saying that I am gong to get better at posting more often. Well, here is a quick list of things that have happened since my last post:

I am now a supervisor at work.

I am working on loosing weight (still/again).

My Dad came to visit for Thanksgiving, it was sooooo good to see him!

I have started couponing and even did a class on it at work.

All of our adoption papers are finally in and today we go to get our finger prints. We still have a long road in front of us, well maybe not so long. I really depends on what comes back on our FBI checks and what we will need to get. Its likely going to be a bit of calling/writing to courts to get documents if they exist. I talked to the woman who does the checks and she also agreed that she doesn't see anything that we listed that could cause any major issues, a few more hoops to jump through, but no major issues. (yes, I am still nervous about that, nervous about anything that could lead to a no)

Paul and I are trying to stop talking about having a child as a "future child" or anything of the sort and trying to start talking about the fact that we do have a child but that our child is not living with us right now and that we are doing everything we can to bring her home. For the moment we have decided that we will only adopt one child, a girl. Later on we will likely adopt again.

Since we have been getting ourselves into the thought pattern that we have a daughter and that she is just not here right now, I have picked up several things for her. Nothing big, just little things that any girl would like. Hair accessories, nail polish and things like that. Of course, with couponing I was able to get these items free or nearly free. That really excites me because I know that I will be able to get her all sorts of little things that make a little girl fee special. I cant wait till she is here!

Life isn't fair.

I know that there are people out there that don't understand why I am so upset right now, its my birthday so I should be happy right? If you think that then your nuts!

34, yes that's right I am really really in my mid thirties and I am disgusted by it. No, I didn't wake up this morning and find gray hair. No, I don't feel like I look or feel my age. And no, I am not a Mom nor will my children (should I ever have any through adoption or natural) be my Dad's first grandchildren even though I am his only child.

I feel wronged and as though something has been stolen from me and its not the first time either. All of the things that should have been me are someone else and they don't care. No, I don't feel like they are currently intentionally rubbing it in my face but when I see pictures of my Dad in a t-shirt that says "grandpa" on it, it hurts me because that's not me, my child, or a genetic relation. I feel like my family has been ripped from me and although they know I exist they cut me out of their lives a little more everyday. All I really want is family, that connection, and I don't have it and I don't think that I ever will.

Life just isn't fair.

Leave me alone on my birthday.....

We are at that time of the year again and this year is feeling worse than all others before. This year will be a big 10 year mark for me.

When I was about 10 or 12, Gram (my Grandmother on my Mom's side) was asking me about my plans for life, when did I want to get married, have children and so on. I did a lot of thinking about this. How old would I be when I graduated high school, did I want to go to college and if so how long would that take and so on. After a day or so I came to an answer, I wanted to get married around age 20 and have a child when I was 24 and maybe more after that.

So we are....nearly 34, had my plan come true I would have a 10 year old this year but I have no children.

At age 25 I had the realization that I might not be able to have children and had been to several doctors and been through several treatments and had already had a couple of miscarriages and I made the decision then that if I did not have a successful pregnancy by 28 that I would adopt a child and hoped to be a parent before I was 30.

The years keep coming and going and still I have no children, I have had 13 miscarriages that were confirmed pregnancies and a few that I think I was pregnant but didn't test, and now I have not had a pregnancy in years.

So although I know that some of my friends, family and my husband want to do something on my birthday or for my birthday, don't. In case you have forgotten I have spent an entire birthday in tears before, frustrated and irritated with life. I don't want to go out, I don't want to go to dinner, I don't really want anything that someone can give me (unless of course you would like me to adopt your child), and I am really not wanting to hear or see any "Happy Birthday" remarks at all. Its not a happy birthday, its a reminder of what I don't have and who I am not and what goals in life I have not succeeded at.

Busy week ahead!!

I know its been a long time since I posted.....we have been trying to get everything together and figured out.

This week I am on vacation from work. I don't remember ever having a paid vacation before but I am putting it to good use. I will be spending the week finishing getting our house together for our homestudy and turning in our applications. This is going to be a very busy week!

My plans for today:

Watch CraigsList for stuff that we still need.
Rearrange our bedroom.
Figure out how we are going to have the dogs once we have kids (since 2 of them don't get along with 1)
Move all of our cleaning supplies into our bathroom.
Move all medications/vitamins into our bathroom.
Review information about what we need for our adoption.
Deep clean the apartment.
and on and on and on.....

Long Time No Blogg....

Things have been very busy for us the last few weeks. We have fully moved into and unpacked into our new apartment. There is a play ground right outside our back door and tons of kids here for our future children to play with. Currently we are working on getting the rooms ready. There is no furniture in them at the moment. All that's left to do is send in our paperwork and then the ball will really get moving.

We still need new insurance for the car, get the cats shots, and our doctor appointments for physicals.

Busy, Busy, Busy!

Things have been busy this last week and will only be getting busier.

We got into this really nice apartment complex and we move in next Friday. Paul may or may not have the day off. If he doesn't I am going to try to get as much done on my own (with out hurting myself) as I can. Crossing my fingers in hopes that he does get the day off.

Today is our CPR class and I am not looking forward to it. I don't know why but CPR class always made me uncomfortable, but we will do what we have to do. Also, my shoulder is messed up and causing a lot of pain and that could make class a little difficult. Not to mention making packing difficult and we have a lot of that to do to.



My shoulder seems to have been dislocated, either a little or all the way. The other night Paul rolled over in bed and on me and I woke him up a bit trying to get out from under him. He put his hands down on the bed like you would to do a push up and pushed himself up and over. One of his hands was not on the bed and was on my shoulder. It made two loud snapping noises and has been hurting ever since. Lucky for me a friend of my has muscle relaxers and they are helping a bit with cramped up muscles around the shoulder blade, I have been using a heart shaped heating pad to.

I still cant believe that we got into this apartment complex, its so nice and in a gated community. It has a pool, spa, dry sauna, tanning, indoor full sized basketball court, work out room, play grounds, wood burning fireplace, washer and dryer, its a three bedroom and we are going to be right next to the main play ground! Its perfect!! And it sort of makes me look forward to our homestudy rather than fearing it so much.

We Are Moving!!!

We got the apartment!!! Its beyond perfect!!

We will be moving in next Friday!

Not much left to do before we turn in our fost/adopt application!!!

Leash your freaking dogs!

Some people really amaze me! As part of our fost/adopt paperwork we have to have to get all of our pets up to date on their shots. So, yesterday we took the dogs to a shot clinic in Puyallup. They got their shots, a quick exam, and flea and tick treatment. That all went fairly smooth, what didn't go smooth was caused by some idiot woman and her two unleashed dogs. This mobile clinic advertises all over the place and as part of their ad it clearly reads that all dogs/cats must be leashed or kenneled. So there we are with two of three of our un-other-dog friendly dogs (the 3rd was in the truck) and we are standing there with other people that have cats (the dogs are cat friendly) and we are trying to get paperwork filled out. This woman pulls up, windows rolled down and parks and gets out of her car. One of her dogs jumps right out the door with her and bee lines for our dogs which are now barking like mad dogs and the woman walked slowly at first and then started to run when I started to yell panicky "grab that dog" as I tried to back away as fast as possible with our two dogs. Just as she gets the one the other jumps out of her car window and she couldn't seem to figure out what to do. By now I have the dogs on the other side of our car and Paul is asking for this woman to leash her dogs, but the woman only has 1 leash. I just have to ask why in the world you would to a shot clinic in a parking lot on a busy road with other dogs and people that you don't know and you never know what could possibly happen and only bring 1 leash! Not to mention allowing your dogs to jump from your car and run at other people and their dogs. Had she done what she was supposed to do and followed the rules for the shot clinic we would have had no issues what so ever.



Today I ran into more unleashed dog issues. Since we are really hoping to get into this other apartment complex (the one I mentioned yesterday) and the apartment they want to place us in is right next to the main playground in the complex, I had planned to really work hard with our dogs over the next two weeks about barking, barking/reacting to kids and other dogs, and their manners at the door when going in an out and I had planned on spending at least 20 minuets a day doing this with a walk. I figured the walk would be good for them and good for me too. So we walked to leave the complex and I was going to walk them down a near by road that has many dogs behind fences and kids every where. I couldn't even make it out of the complex. We got near the exit and this little dachshund runs out from near an apartment barking and charging us. Our dogs are little (about 25 pounds if that) but this dog meant business. The owner ran out just in the nick of time and grabbed her dog. Disappointing, we wouldn't be getting out of the complex but I didn't want our 20 minuet walk to turn into 5 so we went the other direction to walk around the complex a bit. Just as I go to the other side we came across another unleashed dog of about the same size as the first one (but different color). I never saw an owner for this one but I was able to get away from it with out a dog fight.

I just don't understand how pet owners can be so irresponsible. In neither case were we in a dog park, in a place where there are not leash laws, nor were we in a place where we were not likely to come across other people and their dogs, in fact its the opposite on all accounts. Whats more is that when they have to run after their unleashed dogs that are coming towards mine they look at me like I am the bad one, they are the ones breaking the law and being stupid.

AHHHHHH!


**side note, we have not heard back about the apartment yet, fingers crossed**

Maybe, Maybe, MAYBE!!!

I think we have found the perfect apartment. Although we had said that we wanted to move into a house we have been looking at apartments just to make sure that we don't miss out on some great deal. Its a 3 bedroom, 2 bath, bottom floor, wood burning fireplace, out door pool, dry sauna, hot rub, work out room, indoor basketball court/fitness room, gated community, washer/dryer, huge freaking apartment.

So if you cant tell I am excited, but I am nervous too. What if something comes up and we cant move in. I know the lady said "worse case scenario you will pay first, last, and deposit but we will work with you on the last and give you 3 months to pay it" and she seemed very positive that we will get the apartment. But, I am cautious and am trying not to count my chickens before they hatch while staying positive.

PRIDE Graduation!

Yesterday was our last class and we have graduated PRIDE training! I was feeling very nervous about that yesterday and for no reason, I was just afraid that something would happen and we would have to redo all or part of some of the classes. Not everyone in our class graduated and some have make up work to do, but we did it! We finally got through it! I had to turn in the PRIDE training book that I have been dragging around with me for a year but they did give us a disk of the book which will make it easier when I want to look something up. We still have a lot to do before we are ready to adopt though.




So whats next.....

Now the push is really on to get moved, we looked at an apartment yesterday, I really liked it, Paul didn't like some of the people that he saw in the complex. I didn't notice what he did. Its possible that I was overly focused on the great 3 bedroom apartment, fire place, 4 play grounds, 2 pools, hot tub, small gym and the fact that there is a YMCA near by. Some times I have blinders on and don't see everything around me. Which is why I really prefer looking at these places together.




We still have a lot that we need to do and a lot that we need to get. Its a little stressful but we have the big and hard part done. The rest is just following the process.

Our Current To Do List:

Find A New Place
Move
Pet Shots (we have a shot clinic today for the dogs)
Get Copies Of Divorce Decrees and New Marriage License
TB Tests
Physicals
Finish Paper Work and Turn It In (cant do until we have moved)
FBI Checks
Create House Rules & Discipline
Create Evacuation Plan (cant do until we have moved)
Make Lists Of Schools/Licensed Day Care (cant do until we have moved)
Car Insurance (we need something new and cheaper)


Things We Know We Need Once We Have Moved:

4 Beds (twin beds or bunk beds, no we don't want 4 kids but want to make sure we are prepared for anything)
4 Twin Sized Mattress Covers
4 Sets Of Twin Sized Bedding
4 Pillows
4 New Towels
4 Small Dressers or 2 Large Ones
First Aide Kit
CPR Mask
New Fire Extinguisher
Outlet Covers
2 Laundry Baskets
Locking Door Nob For Our Bedroom
A Way To Lock Up Cleaning Supplies
Toys, Clothes, Shoes, Books
The List Could Go On A Mile.


Today we are taking the dogs to get their shots, this should be fun since they are still not all getting along so we have to take separate cars and will need to pull out the muzzles. Also, we are going to look some more for rentals.

Feeling very nervous!

I don't know what the deal is, but I feel very nervous. Yesterday I finally got my Washington drivers license (the picture is really bad), and they made me take the written test since I hadn't taken it since I was 15, but I did get a 100% on the test. Today is our last adoption class. We expect it to be a longer class and there will be a panel of foster kids in the class today. Sunday we have the shot clinic for the dogs and we are going to go look at this super nice apartment complex that we have been talking about. Next weekend we start the CPR/First Aide/Blood Born Deceases classes.

I guess maybe its that everything is coming together and we are getting closer and closer to our homestudy which will lead to placement. We still have awhile (a few months) but its coming up quick. This month just flew by.

Whats getting to me right now is some work stuff, moving, finishing PRIDE class, pet shot clinics, saving money, our current apartment complex, CPR class, and of the homestudy that we are not even close to having yet. There is just so much that we need and so much that we need to do.

(oh, my arm lumps turned out to be torn muscles and mostly healed up now)

Yesterday didn't go so well.

I did manage to re-blue my hair, clean house, clean the rat cage, clean the cat boxes, do the laundry, wash all of our blankets and bedding, and got a lot of reading done in my book, but the last part of things that I wanted to do before Paul got off work didn't go so well. I had intended to go get my nails done, go to the library to pick up another adoption book that I have been wanting and go have the lumps in my arm looked at (I have 3 now and they are freaking me out). However, when I went to the nail salon my day went to crap. The woman clipped, with nail clippers, my acrylic nails, breaking and cracking them and that made many of them too short and none of them even. I got up and walked out and had to go to the store pick up some polish and things to fix my nails. Grrr!

Today should be a good day though!

We are going to a friends/neighbors wedding after PRIDE class. I couldn't be happier for them!! After class we are going to drop by the library and pick up my book and tomorrow I am going to the doctor to have the lumps looked at.

Of course we also have class today too, last class was a little intense so we will see who actually shows up today and who doesn't. I am pretty sick of the snide aptitude of the "teacher" and her husband, hopefully they have dropped out. After this class we will have one more left!



We are still on the search for a place to move to.

Interesting week....

This week the normal day time supervisor was out on vacation, which means that I filled in his shoes. I was a little worried about working Monday as I have only recently started working Mondays again. It had been about a year since I had been working Mondays. I had heard, from the normal day time supervisor and from our operations manager, that Mondays were getting a little crazy and busy. It wasn't. My Monday this week was nice, pleasant and easy to handle, in fact every Monday that I have worked recently has been pleasant. To be honest this whole week was fairly nice, Wednesday got a little sticky but it was still a nice day. Nearly everyone at work is sad to see my week in the supervisor seat come to an end. Seems that every time I take over they have the same reaction.

I have been doing a lot of reading this week too! The book that I have been reading is called "The Connected Child" and its a great book about attachment with your adopted or foster child. Tons of good information and makes some of my fears about what our children will be like dissipate a bit. I am not sure that I agree with everything that I have read in the book but there is enough good information that it kept me reading!



The lump in my arm that I was seen at the emergency room last weekend is still there, has gotten bigger and now I have another one. The hospital wanted me to have it rechecked this week and I tried to make an appointment with the clinic that they referred me to but was not able to do it. The clinic only has 1 doctor in it now and has no appointments available until October. So at some point today I will be going back to the emergency room. The hard lumps really have me worried.

There is so much to do today, I need to clean house, do laundry, get my nails done, go to the doctor, go to the library (I am picking up a new adoption book today) and the list could go on forever. Normally I would get my laundry going first since I am washing the blankets on the bed and everything but I have to wait for the bank to open so that I can get quarters. I really miss having our own washer and dryer.

Cant wait for tomorrows PRIDE Class!

Feeling a little stressed this morning....

I have so much on my mind right now, all of the things that we need to get done and its giving me a real sense of stress and urgency even though it shouldn't. We still have two weeks of PRIDE classes left and then our first aide/CPR classes the next month and we still have other stuff to do to before we can even think about finishing our paper work and turning it in. Yet I feel stressed to move from this apartment like I have to do it right now. Really, the only reason that we are here is because its cheap and we can save money while we are living here so that we can move and do all of the other things that we need to do before we turn in our paper work. I just cant shake the stress of feeling like we need to be moved. I know deep down that when the time comes I will find us the right house at the right price. Just the other day I was talking to a guy about his rental and had him talked down from $1,500 for a deposit to $800. I really need to stop focusing so much on moving and really look into all of the other things we need to do, like getting our physicals done, getting the pets their shots, changing the oil in the car, and so on. Also adding to my stress at the moment is this odd lump in my arm, you cant see it, but I can feel it, its on the muscle and sore to the touch and hard. If it gets worse I may need to go to the doctor.

Half way through PRIDE classes!

Well today marks it! We are now half way through the PRIDE classes. Next month we have our first aide, blood born diseases and CPR for all ages. Our savings account is still growing at a good rate and we are really excited about moving, although we have still not found the right place. Really, its that we haven't found the right place at the right price, every place that we have found that would be good has been about $100 our of our budget and we have to really stick to it. If we can stick to our budget then we can continue to save money, get bills paid, have food on the table, and still have some fun too.


As far as class goes, this class was a little more intense and I am not expecting everyone to show up next class. It did seem that we were missing 1 or 2 people this week but I cant put my finger on who. Some people have done the fost/adopt or foster thing before and they are in it and know what they are getting into, some are like us and did a lot of research and know what we are getting into and others are very green and worry me. Of course, "teacher" showed up again.

It seems that "teacher" doesn't irritate me as I heard some naughty comments coming from someone else in the class. She has a very snide way about her and every time someone says something positive about teachers and how they help kids she looks around the room with this snobby look on her face as though she is personally responsible for every positive act that any teacher on the face of the planet has ever done. Not to mention the fact that she always has something to say that no one cares about and no one wants to hear. There are other people in the class that always seem to have something to say but its usually the other people who have fostered and/or adopted before and most times they have something useful to add. Whats more interesting is that I find myself adding in comments as well, more than I thought I would, but I have been doing a lot of studying and researching.



Most of the class was about attachment and attachment disorders in children as well as how to deal with some of those things. We also talked about trauma, abuse and other such things as well as watching a rather disturbing video. Something else that keeps coming up that bothers me is when they start talking about failed adoptions and kids being moved from home to home. I just cant figure out how you would have a failed adoption. I mean once you get that far how can you "give the kid back" I mean, life doesn't work that way and for those that think that it does....I have other words for you. I know that once we are placed, thats that.

Today is going to be a good day!

Although I do have a nasty head ache and am still not feeling 100% today but I am trying to over come it!

Paul had a crummy day at work yesterday and I am hoping that today goes much better for him.

One way or another, today is going to be the best day that I have had in a while. Its Friday and I am off work till Monday (I work 10 hour shifts), Paul is at work, I have house work and laundry to do, need to wash the dogs, go shopping and some other little chores. I found an adoption book at the library that I have been wanting to read, not sure if I will go pick it up today or not, I have a good lead on a rental, and tomorrow is adoption class day (yeah for PRIDE).

Should I go to the library today I am hoping to get the book called "The complete adoption book" and want to look for books on theriputic parenting. I have read a lot about it on another blog http://lastmom.blogspot.com/ and I really want to find some good books on that.

Ok, off my duff and off to get things done! Have a good day!!

Fingers crossed!

We just took a drive down this little dirt road near a for rent sign. At the end of this little bitty drive way that is covered in trees and ferns and all sorts of Washington underbrush was this cute 3 bedroom house that over looks the pond in Bresemann Forest. There were massive sized hammocks hanging in trees and we could just imagine living there. It is, however, slightly out of our price range, not an impossible distance but far enough to make me squirm a bit. I tried to get a viewing of the inside of it today but no luck, I will try again tomorrow. Fingers crossed!!

Still looking....

This morning I thought that I had found the answers to our moving need. A 3 bedroom, 2 bath house with a fully fenced huge back yard and tons and tons of parking area's and storage and it was here in Spanaway and for a really good price a month. So we went searching and we found it. :( It was a dump. In front of it (on the same drive way) were two trashy mobile homes. Not that I have anything against mobiles, but these were tore up, trashy, crap in the yards, and not good people hanging out in front of them. So not its back to searching. Paul really wants to stay in the area and I agree but hes not giving me much wiggle room. I found another that's midland, which is about 2 miles in the other direction of where he wants to be so hes not interested in it. I understand his point and I hope that he understands mine too. When it comes down to "we need to move in the next couple of weeks" time, if we haven't found the best spot we can get right in the area he wants, we will have to choose a slightly different area. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I want to move to the other side of the county or anything, but we might end up a few miles in any direction from where he really wants to be.



3 more weeks of PRIDE to go, then its on to CPR, Blood Born Diseases and First Aide, by the end of all of that we need to be moved and ready to turn in our forms! We now have a good amount of money in our savings account, in part due to our putting money in there and in part due to this neat savings account we have that takes $1 from our checking account every time we use our ATM cards and we never carry cash. Oh, and I went over (again) the list of stuff that they look for on a background check that will keep you from adopting or being a foster parent, I know I need to stop worrying so much but we still have nothing on that list. There are some other things that come up on the questions that I am concerned about but I think we should be fine as we are being fully open and honest with things rather than having them pop up on some unknown place.

One last note, I am still not feeling well.

First Class!

Our first class is over! There were a few things that were said in the class that didn't make sense at first but were cleared up and were actually just the way I thought they were. Which means that all of my research is paying off and that I really do know what we are getting into. I get nervous about that some times, wondering if I really know what we are doing, its always good to know that I do.

We met some interesting people, some I would like to get to know more and some that I would rather pretend don't exist. I had a rather irritating encounter with a woman in the class, she is a teacher and we clash severely. We were separated from our spouses into groups to do a group activity. She instantly desired that she was the group leader and that myself and two Hispanic women that I was sitting between were not really to be treated as part of the group and our thoughts didn't matter. It was very much as though she didn't like us because we were different than her and she was only interested in hearing from others in our group that were like her. I stood up behind her (she was seated) and tried to make sure that she had it clear that I wanted to be heard, she decided to argue my points and refused to write my opinions, or the opinions of the other two women. Rather than make a huge fuss on the first day of class I sat back down between the two other women and chit chatted with them while "teacher" wrote her thoughts on the paper and the other three women nodded like good sheep in agreement. I hope I don't get stuck in a group with her again.

Aside from the one incident the class was good and I look forward to next week and to not being sick through the whole class. We are going to learn some great tools and we have some great teachers.

Things I want to learn more about: RAD, trauma parenting..... Time to visit the library!

Today is the first day of our classes!

Last night I was super super sick. It started at work, I threw up once and then started feeling better, that is until we had dinner. After dinner I started having chills, sweating and my whole body hurt. I was terrified that I would feel like that this morning too. So I went to bed. I piled on the blankets and buried my head in them hoping for some sort of relief. A few hours later we were woken up by a super loud argument going on out side that felt like it lasted for hours, and I felt even worse. Then, after hours and hours of sleep (I went to bed around 6pm and got up at 5:30am, which is sleeping in for me) my alarm clock went off and I got up. I still have a headache and my back hurts (due to my bed) but I don't feel sick any more!!

This week went by so slow for me, knowing that the classes start today, but we are finally here. I talked to someone from the NWAE.org the other day and got some interesting information about what they do and how it all works, and that has me even more excited. There are kids on their site that I really like and that I want to meet. I haven't told Paul too much about them because he doesn't like to see something, get excited about it and then have it not work out. Until we get our classes done and the homestudy done there really isn't any reason to get to involved in looking at kids. The NWAE really makes it very easy and they are very helpful. They, like everyone else, did tell me about how its harder to adopt through foster care directly than it is to go through an agency. Although I do understand why they are saying that, its way cheaper (as in free) to adopt through the state and since I already have my eye on a set of kids that are on the NWAE website, that cuts out some of the hard stuff.

Yes, I am sure that it might be easier to hand over a wad of money to an agency and tell them to find you kids with certain qualities and let them match you up, but it makes much more sense to me to do this our way. We would rather save that wad of money to spend on kids and I would rather find them myself. As I learned from my Dad a long time ago, the easy way is not always the right way and many times is the wrong way. While looking through the children that are posted on sites like NWAE.org I try very hard to not look at their disabilities and things (should they have any) and try to focus on who they are. Doing it that way makes much more sense to me, after all, if I were pregnant, would we reject our child due to a disability. Of course at the same time I know that I will not take on a child with disabilities that I wouldn't know how to handle since we are adopting older children, its not as though we would have them since birth and been able to adjust slowly to something. The kids that I have my eye on do not have any disabilities that I have read about, but they do have some emotional issues, after going through what they have been through and living in foster care and what not, I expect that any child we adopt will have emotional issues.

Ok, that's all for now, I am off to start getting ready to go!!

(Did I mention that we got a new couch! Its blue leather! And it was free!!)

Feels like fall....

I don't know what it is but the last couple of days have felt so much like fall. It reminds me of the time my niece Cheyanne came to stay with us just before her school year started for 4th grade. We went shopping for school supplies, things for her breakfast before school and lunches, as well as fall clothing and about a month into the school year we shopped for Halloween stuff. There is something in the air here right now that is giving me those same feelings that I had then and I don't know how to explain it. I miss her so much.

Maybe next year I will be buying school supplies for our own children....I cant wait!

Our adoption classes start in 3 days, Saturday morning here we come!!

We are officially official!

We did it! We are officially married, really really this time. Its funny though, now we will have two certified marriage licenses, two certificates, and two anniversary dates! My new ring in beautiful and I am very happy to be wearing it. Thank you to Mandi and Tony for attending our re-wedding and BBQ at our place to celebrate (we forgot to eat the cake!) and to my brother-in-law David and his daughter Kaya for coming as well. Now to get on with everything else....

Next weekend starts our PRIDE classes, 6 days from now. We are making good progress on getting through our application and at getting things in order. But we still have a long list of things we need to do. All things in time!

The big day.....again....

Well, tomorrow is the big day, again.

Wedding Day!

Really, its the beginning of a brand new chapter in our lives. Going to renew our vows, make our marriage legal (even though we have a certified copy of our marriage license from 2008, its not legal as we found out at the beginning of this year) and really get things going. We have a good amount of money saved, and are looking for a new place. There have been a couple of places that really have our attention but we still have a while before we will have the money saved and a while longer before we will be ready to move.

To Do List For Tomorrow:

Clean house
Re-blue my bangs
Meet Mandi at the nail shop at 9am
Make pasta salad
Get dressed
Get re-married
BBQ


We are now 7 days from our adoption classes!!

I hate our couch!

We need a new couch in the worst possible way. Its torn up, smelled bad when we got it and still stinks, its uncomfortable and even when the dog sits on the couch her butt starts to sink in so just imagine what ours do. To top it off this morning I got up, as promised to take Emmy (Paul's dog) out to potty. She is used to getting up at about 3am with me. Normally this wouldn't have been that big of a deal but we didn't get to bed until about 2am.

When we got home last night I took all of the dogs out to potty and have a drink and some food before sending them to their beds for the night so little Emmy didn't make a peep until about 6am. Normally this would have given me about 4 hours of sleep and I would have sat, like a zombie, in front of the computer playing games. However, I have a very bad tooth that is causing so much pain that I have found myself in screaming pain that brings me to tears, and I had a really hard time sleeping. I fell asleep around 4:30-5am.

So, after taking princess Emmy out to potty I grabbed my pillow and a blanket and tried to sleep on the couch. I hate hate hate hate hate this couch! So there I am, cold, a cat on my head, Emmy wont leave me alone, tooth in pain, and now laying on the evil couch trying to sleep.... About an hour later Paul got up and went to bed and slept till nearly 11am.

The couch has got to go. There is stuff that we needed to do today but I am to distracted with back pain from the couch and tooth pain that is unbelievable to get anything done. I feel sort of lazy because of that but then again we have a long time (a month and a half at the very least) before we need to have the paper work done and I have already done a lot of work on it. But we are 6 days from our re-wedding (thank you to David (Paul's brother) and Mandi and Tony (Mandi and I work together) for being our witnesses and joining us that day. We are also 13 days till our first of the last adoption classes!

Goal for tomorrow, fill out 90% of my adoption paperwork and try to figure out something to do with this stupid tooth....

(added note....I am the one who picked out this couch because it was cheap....you get what you pay for, in our case though I think they should have paid us to take it)

Busy Day

Today is going to be a very busy day! I like the busy ones, it makes laying around with Paul on Sunday so much more worth it.

First things first, talk Paul into taking me to breakfast, that shouldn't be hard, we almost always go to breakfast on Saturday morning. Then off to see the new Harry Potter movie in 3D at 9:45am, I am so excited about seeing it!! After that we will come home and I need to clean house, shower, re-blue my hair (my bangs are blue) because I am looking a little green, grocery shopping and then tonight we are going to a show at New Frontier (Paul's brother's band is playing). Oh, and through out today we will be haunting the Craigs list free ads watching for a better couch and other stuff.

Its hard to believe that this is the last Harry Potter movie, and kind of sad. At the same time its also exciting to know that soon (months from now) we will be able to share our love for these movies with our children and because of Harry Potter we have weeks and weeks of movies nights ahead of us!



Just a reminder....one week from today we will be re-married and in 2 weeks from today we will be starting the adopt classes!! I am so nervous and excited about this that I cant hardly stand it. Money is in the savings account and we are making a good headway into getting the money saved up.

Wedding Bells!

One week from tomorrow Paul and I will be re-married, not that we were ever unmarried but due to an error we are not 100% married. I am excited about the wedding, new friends Mandi and Tony will be joining us as well as Paul's brother David. We will always celebrate our first wedding anniversary as the real one.

It took me a while but I finally got a hold of someone to marry us. I had talked to one person who was going to do it for us for $250 at her home but after spending a week trying to get a hold of her again (we first talked about this back in March) and not getting through to her I said forget her and moved on. I called every judge in the area that does wedding and they were all either booked for the next several weeks or on vacation through August. Then I came across Cynthia online and gave her a call. That was that, we are all set for 7/30 at 1pm, at her home in North Tacoma, and for only $125!! It really seems like it was all meant to be. She sent me a list of different ring ceremonies and reminded me that this is a great time to renew our vows.

At first I didn't even think about renewing our vows. I mean I know that we want to at some point but now? Then I read through the vow options that Cynthia sent me, some were based on a couple and some were based on children and that got me thinking. This is a perfect time to renew our vows. We are opening a new chapter in our lives. Things have been going much better for us and we have really grown as individuals and as a couple, and a lot of the mistakes from our past are truly in our past and we can see them never happening again. No we are not perfect and we will never be, but we will always be perfect for each other.

As our new chapter in life opens we are looking forward to getting remarried next weekend, our adopt classes (15 days away, but who's counting...), moving into a larger and better home, the homestudy and adoption. The next 6 months for us is going to be huge and full of changes!

Tears of joy....

I spent several hours today pouring through the pages and pages and pages of the fost/adopt application and writing out some of the answers to the questions. More than once I found myself in tears. Not that I was sad but in the words that I was writing and the topics I was writing about. For those that don't know the application gets very personal.

Some of my tearful moments were when writing about things that I experienced growing up, what my Mom was like, why I want to adopt, how I feel about my husband, and so on. In the part of the homestudy when the licenser comes out to the home there will be more questions. I hope I don't loose it then too.

While going through the papers I found that we were missing a couple of pages so I called the social worker. She was very nice and answered many of the questions that I had about the questions in the application because some of the questions didn't make much sense to me. One of the questions was relating parenting to a child's race and I was so lost and couldn't figure out what one had to do with the other. Apparently that's a good thing and my response that I don't see that one has to do with the other unless we are talking about teaching children about their heritage was the perfect answer.

We talked for about an hour and I feel great. She told me that there are tons of children that fit what we are looking for and because we are not going to fall into the hole of "I want a caucasian baby" that the whole process will go very easy and likely very quickly. Most people that are trying to adopt are looking for babies and in our state they are looking for caucasian babies, so there is a huge waiting list and there is no rush for the social workers to get them processed. We will likely be a rush job. She said that once we turn in our application that she will want to get everything scheduled with me right away and hopes to have us processed and fully approved with in 60 days of turning in the application and placed with in 90 days. We wont be turning in the application for about a month and a half, so looks like we will have to really make Thanks Giving dinner this year and yes we will have to put up the Christmas tree.....

No get up and go....

We didn't get a thing done yesterday..... I am super antsy and Paul is trying to understand why but doesn't seem to be be getting it. The best way I can explain it to him is the feeling of needing to do something. Unfortunately he sees this as me needing to go out and do something and although that's fun, that's nor really the issue.

Whats making me antsy is this big fat stack of paper work that's packed with personal questions and my fear that I might spell a word wrong or that the reader wont be able to read my writing or that Paul's forms might have bad grammar and miss spelled words and that no one will know what the heck we are writing.

I am antsy about sitting down with the social worker and talking. They will ask a lot of personal questions and I know that I will be nervous (since I am nervous just thinking about it now)and I want the social worker to see us for who we are. Seeing you for who you are may make some fost/adopt parents nervous but I feel that they need to see that of us. We are not always as we seem. Paul may be a clown and out going and laid back but what you don't see is that he is very organized, emotional, and thrives on structure. I am relaxed on the outside and as you see in my writings I am stressed on the inside, and I think that the easiest way to describe myself is by saying "organized chaos" and that's because I love to plan and have lists of things to do and I use a day planner and try to keep things going as smoothly as possible but......some times....life happens and I change everything in an instant and go a different way. I always keep the same goal but the route to get there is suddenly different.

And, don't forget about the homestudy its self when the social worker will inspect my house.....

Of course, when talking about me being antsy I cant leave out the fact that we have more than just the paperwork and homestudy to do. Before we get there we need to do the PRIDE classes (19 days till they start), we need to get re-married (planning for 7/30/11), I need to get my Washington state drivers license (next week), we need to save money to move (we started this week and have over $100 after paying bills, that's a good start for us), we need to move (ug, finding a place with our credit is hard to do and finding a place that we can afford is just as hard but I am looking already) and then we need stuff.....beds, dressers, toys, home safety equipment and more.

So what can I do now to ease my anxiousness, well, I am going to get started on the paperwork today, going to clean my already clean house, do laundry, clean the rat cage, look at profiles of kids online (there are a couple of kids that I am super interested in) and search for paperwork that we need but have miss placed, and I will also send off for paperwork on my divorces!

Taking a look at a real time line that may be possible, August - PRIDE classes, September - CPR/first aide classes, get everything together for the application, Mid September to Early October - move and turn in application (likely to turn in application as soon as we have a move in date rather than waiting till we are moved in), October - homestudy, November - placement. Yes that's right, 4 short months. Paul talks about this like its a long time from now, and I see his point, that's in 4 months but something keeps chiming in my head "THAT'S IN 4 MONTHS" Wow.....4 months. Yes this process could take a little longer, yes would could have more classes and things to do, but yes it could go faster too....

Ok, trying to find my get up and go. Going to work on some paperwork.....

20 Days Till PRIDE Classes!

We are only 20 days from the start of our PRIDE classes and I am beyond anxious. Not just about the classes but with all of the questions that I have and how fast can we make the process go and we have to move and we have soooooo much left to do. I know, we are at least, the very very least 2-3 months from having children in our home, but I cant keep my mind off it. Day and night I think about ways to try to ensure that everything is perfect for the homestudy and having everything in place.

Its a scary thought to realize that we will soon be parents. I use the word "soon" loosely, as Paul keeps pointing out that we are still months from becoming parents. Of course, being the type of person that I am, I like to think about the future a lot and make plans for things that could be over a year away. When riding in the car I often let my thoughts float off and think about what it will be like to drive back to Nevada with our children. Of course, I know that plans change and I am ok with that too. Even our move from Nevada to Washington didn't go as planned, but it worked and we changed the plan around as things happened to change it. That's the way it goes sometimes.

My plan for the day is to make linguica for breakfast, then do some work on our fost/adopt application, and look at some rentals online. I also plan to create a wish list of sorts of things that we need for homestudy and for our children's rooms. That's something that I will likely post here in case someone has something on the list that they are no longer using that we need.

Unwinding Complications

I spent most of today feeling yucky with the sniffles and cleaning house, but I got some good stuff done too!

For months I have been dreading the thought of how much it will cost to get copies of my final judgements from my divorces and today I called the courts. To my complete surprise one of them is going to cost me $1.50 and a self addressed stamp, and the other is just as cheap! I had this fear that I was going to need to drive to California and go into the court and get these things and spend a ton of money doing so.

Also, I got prices on getting the pets their rabies shots, I am pretty sure that they are all out of date and we have to have that done. I found a great price $15 each, which when you start adding its a lot but its better than $40 each!

We are well over a month away from even scheduling our homestudy and I am already stressed out over it. Feeling like I need to clean everything over and over again, even though we wont even have the homestudy here. A friend of mine called it "nesting" and although I see her point, she doesn't see mine....someone is coming to inspect my house before they will let us have children, that's far different than "nesting" when your getting towards the end of your pregnancy.

The stress of wanting a perfect homestudy is only made worse by the fact that our vacuum broke last week (me and my long hair killed another one) and we haven't replaced it yet. A few years ago this happened and I grabbed a brush and brushed the carpet, every room, wall to wall on my hands and knees. I realized today that I cant do that any more. My back (which is still healing from an injury that happened when I tripped over my flip flop a few months ago) will just not allow me to do that any more so I am sending Paul to WalMart tomorrow to by the cheapest vacuum they have since we are saving every cent we can for moving into a proper place to have children.

Odd Day

Today was such an odd day for me.

We went to breakfast at Mary Mary's in Spanaway, its our favorite breakfast spot and we talked about kids and adoption through most of the time we were there. What TV shows and cartoons we would like them to watch, which ones we don't, and which ones were our favorites when we kids. Good thing we have NetFlix! First DVD's to be ordered once we have children "Mr. Ed" from 1961. Neither of us were alive or even thought of yet in 1961 but we both agree that its a great show. We also talked about the violence in TV and cartoons, but thinking back to the Coyote and Road Runner.....well there isn't really a way to avoid it, but we plan to keep it to a minimum.

I went and got my nails and while I was there a Mom and her two daughters came in to get their nails all together and all I could think about was how much fun that would be fore me, expensive but fun. My mind even started to wonder off to the rules that I would need to set down for that, things like "no acrylics till your in high school" and that they would need to choose between pedicures or manicures when we went in but unless it was a special occasion they cant have both. I even thought about what Paul and his son could do while we were getting our nails done, maybe go to an arcade, go to Game Stop to pick out a new video game and other such things. A little fantasizing about what having children in our lives would be like in that moment. Even when the youngest of the two girls that were getting their nails started to cry because she wanted flowers pained on her nails (which would be an extra $10) I could hear myself saying things to our child in that situation to calm the issue and resolve it with out giving in.

After my nails were done I went to the Dollar Tree to get a few things. I love shopping there. Yes, some of the stuff is crap and some of the stuff I really love. I wondered through the craft section, as usual, and I came across some neat craft kits that I would love to do with a child. For a moment I started to smile and I nearly picked up some of them but I resisted (its way to early in the process to do that) and I went on to looking at books. Most of the books in the store are religious, puzzle books, coloring books or other kids stuff, but this time they had all sorts of parenting books. That's when I nearly burst into tears. I know how strange that must sound but I did. I was feeling very sad that we hadn't finished all of the classes and everything last year when we tried to start them. If we had finished then we could already have children and the woman in the nail shop could have been me. Ah! Waiting for the classes to start and to get everything going sucks!

On my way I home I noticed that the STP (Seattle to Portland bike ride) was today, as I nearly got run over by what seemed like 500 bikes at once. It took 10 minuets to pull out of the parking lot. My Dad rode in the STP a few years ago and that inspired me to call him when I got home. We talked about his new Droid phone and about adoption. I know my Dad thinks that we are nuts in wanting to adopt a sibling group of 2-4 children all at once but I know that is what will be right for us. Once our classes and homestudy and everything are complete, its not like they are going to knock on the door and drop of 4 kids. We will get to meet them and spend time with them and get to know them a bit first. I know that going from 0-4 possible children in the house may seem a little extreme to some people but you have to remember that we are only going to do this once and we know that we want more than one child. Ideally we want two, a boy and a girl, but the more I look at photo listing the more I really want three but four seems to be to much. We will have to wait and see because I can tell you now that if we find the two perfect kids and find out that they have two siblings, well then we will want all four unless there is a really really good reason that they shouldn't all be together.

So its been an emotional day, full of ups and downs. I even flipped through some of the application that we received in the mail. That makes me really nervous not that I fear that we will give bad answers but that our spelling and grammar and legibility will all be proper as its all done by hand and my writing can be very hard to read and Paul's spelling is worse than mine. But we will concur that in time. For the rest of the night I am going to sit here and sip some wine while watching Paul play a video game and petting the dog. Or, maybe I will visit a specific photo listing of some kids that are in the foster system and waiting to adopted, they have been there for a while and I know that this website is updated often. I haven't shown Paul this photo listing yet, I don't want to get any hopes up and I know that he's not really ready to look yet as we are not ready to have kids in our home just yet.... (speaking of our home, I bought box tape at the store today, you know for moving boxes, going to start packing soon)



The photo is of us from the 4th of July, we ended up going to the Freedom Fair after all. It was fun and we both got sunburned!

Getting Down To Business

Well, things are starting to get serious around here. We are a couple of weeks away from the PRIDE classes and we got the fost/adopt application in the mail yesterday. There is so much that we need to do....

Get my WA drivers license (I still have NV)
Get remarried
Create a good solid budget and start making cuts
Save money so we can move around the end of Aug./beginning of Sept.
Get copies of our divorce decrees from our pasts
And the list goes on and on and on!

Long list or no, we are so freaking excited, and nervous. If things go nice and smooth its possible for us to have children in a few months. Just saying that scares me and excites me at the same time. Will I be a good Mom?

I have wanted this for so long and now we are coming up to making it happen and I fear that I wont be a good parent or that I will be to protective or that I will baby them or, or, or, or. Well, you can see where I am going on that. Although I know that a lot of my fears are silly, there is one that I know isn't so silly. Because I have wanted this for so long I know that there will be a "honeymoon" period once we have our children and I don't want to find myself stuck in the mindset of "everything is wonderful" when I know that things will not always be wonderful and that we will have ups and downs. Other fost/adopt Mom's that I have talked to say that the fact that I am aware of this will help. I'm so nervous and Paul....he seems to be cool and relaxed about it all and I don't think that he worries as much as I do about it all.

Happy Adoption Day (song)

Oh, who would have guessed, who could have seen
Who could have possibly known
All these roads we have traveled, the places we've been
Would have finally taken us home

Chorus:

So here's to you, three cheers to you
Let's shout it, "Hip, hip, hip, hooray!"
For, out of a world so tattered and torn,
You came to our house on that wonderful morn
And all of a sudden this family was born
Oh, happy Adoption Day!

There are those who think families happen by chance
A mystery their whole life through
But we had a voice and we had a choice
We were working and waiting for you

Chorus

No matter the name and no matter the age
No matter how you came to be
No matter the skin, we are all of us kin
We are all of us one family

Chorus

Another 4th of July.....

Well, tomorrow is the 4th of July, again. The reason that I say it like that is because every year I think about 4th of July celebrations that I experienced growing up. Spending the day at the lake, watching the fire works with family and friends, getting a sun burn, staying up late, and just having a good time. Every year I think about all of the fun things that I want to share with a child or children.

Last year we checked out the "Freedom Festival" in Ruston and we talked about what we would do the next year with our children. Those plans will not take place. We were not able to finish our PRIDE classes because the ran to late at night and I get up to early in the morning to be up until 11pm. Yes, we are going to classes next month (they start in 1 month and 3 days, but who's counting) but its still hard to see another 4th of July come and go.

This year we are going to the celebration in Steilacoom which should be fun. There will be a parade and street fair and fire works at night (we wont be staying for those though). Our plan is to have a good time and determine what we will do next year with our children, should we have them.

I know I shouldn't be so negative but this has been such a long year for us and every time we turn around some thing else happens. Just trying to keep our eyes on the future for the moment.

Story of hope!

Last night I spent some time reading through posts on the website www.circleofmoms.com, and some of them eased my fears and some of them created new fears. In reading one post where a couple had started their fost/adopt classes and started looking through a website similar to www.nwae.com and reading through the profiles of some children in their state that were available for adoption. They had fallen in love with the photos and the descriptions of 3 children that they thought would fit into their lives perfectly, but they were in the beginning steps of becoming certified and like me had fears that this process could take a long time due to the home study and background checks and what not.

Two weeks later, still with a long way to go, the woman couldn't stop herself and she inquired about the children. She learned that they had been in foster care for a few years and only two of them were living in the same home but that the 3 wanted to live together. Other families that were certified had inquired about the children but no further steps had been taken.

Another two weeks went by and the woman checked the website again and they were still there and her fost/adopt classes were done. This only put her at the half way point and they had a lot to do but she inquired about the children again and found that since her last inquiry that no one had asked about them again. She scrambled and started filling out stacks of forms and making appointments.

Nearly 6 weeks later the couple had finished everything and were waiting on the background checks to come back and then that would be that. She checked every week to see if the children were still there on the website, and they were. At the beginning of week 7 (after the fost/adopt classes) the background checks were in. The woman had been very detailed when writing about things that could come up in these checks (as they ask you to do) but they still wanted the couple to do an extra class due to something in her husbands background check.

The woman was in tears as she searched through the list of classes to find the next set of them. There was one that very night! With a heart full of hope she called but never got an answer. Desperate the couple showed up at the class and explained the situation and were permitted to take the class that would run the next 4 days, every night.

At the beginning of week 8 they made arrangements to meet with the children for dinner at McDonalds (one of the ones with a play area) on Wednesday night. The children had not seen each other in 3 weeks and at first were more interested in each other than the couple. An hour later they were all laughing and playing in a ball pit together. The social worker was very pleased and they made a date to spend time with the kids the next week but the social worker reminded them that these things take time.

That Friday the couple got a phone call from the social worker. The male child (who didn't live with his sister) was in the hospital with minor injuries as his foster home had burned to the ground that morning (electrical fire). The foster family did not have a place to take him and the social worker was looking for a place to take him. In the hospital the boy kept asking for the couple.

They went and picked him up from the hospital that night and a week later his two sisters moved in with the couple as well. The adoption was final on national adoption day of 2010.

Somethings are meant to be, you just need hope and to work hard toward your goal. Not all adoption placements happen this fast and this was a rare case, but I am in hopes that ours goes fast as well.

Haunted by the home study!

I woke up this morning to the horrid sound of my alarm clock. For a moment I was lost as I had been having a very intense dream about the home study that we will go through once we have moved and our classes our final. For those that don't know, a home study is when a social worker of sorts comes to you home and talks about your family, your extended family, and goes through all sorts of things in your to make sure that your ready and have everything the state requires you to have for foster care and/or adoption.

In this haunting dream that I was having, the one the alarm clock woke me up from, we were moving into our place, another apartment. As planned, I was making our new home ready for the home study as we were moving, but I was missing something. You know those little child safety plugs that you can get, they are usually white and cover your power outlets.... Well, we were missing one.

The next day, in this dream, was our home study and I wasn't able to replace the one outlet cover and we failed our home study. Just then, the alarm clock went off and I woke up.

I know that if we are missing something in our home study that we will be allowed to get it and do the study again, or part of it again, and I also know that after having this dream I will buy extra of little things like this!

Getting Started

I think I have tried to write this blog a million times but I get scared and stop. Its something that I am trying to over come. You see, I fear that I may write this blog and then something will get in my way to stop us from creating our family. For me, this fear is reasonable since I have been trying to get pregnant and have our own babies for years and although I have been pregnant many times we still have no children.

It would seem that I have always known that I would need to adopt as this is not the first time that I have been on this path and attending adoption and foster care classes, but somethings and some relationships are not meant to be, so I know I stopped the classes before for a good reason. This time around, I know I am on the right path and with the right person, but yes, I am still scared that something will stop us, but I am very hopeful that nothing will and we are looking forward to being parents.

Our foster care and adoption classes start the first Saturday of August and then in September we have CPR classes, so things are still far off but seem so close at the same time. After our classes is when we will put in our official application for the fost/adopt program and start down the possible long path of getting approved and the scary moment of the background checks. I fear that we will have a lot of hoops to jump through when it comes to background checks, no that either of us have ever done anything that should keep us from adopting but it could make them look at us funny and they could require extra classes. Fingers crossed it all goes well.

The background checks are not our only major hurdle to get over, there is also the fact that we must move and that may be hard to do. As we know that we want to adopt at least 1 boy and 1 girl, our little 2 bedroom apartment will just not work. Of course there is also the fact that our apartment complex is not and has not done what they should as far as repairs are concerned. We still have a hole in our bathroom ceiling from a leak that came from the upstairs neighbors, water damaged carpets, and some of our neighbors are not people that we want our children around.

So moving will mean higher cost of rent and new furniture. But on the plus side, as we are moving in we can child proof things in the way that the home study requires and we can be sure that we don't miss anything, and that could make the home study go far faster!

We have so many thoughts for our future, maybe we will move back home to Nevada one of these years....