PROGRESS!!

We got a call from our social worker last night and we have meetings with her in two weeks! She is going to meet with us in her office first and we are meeting with her separately. I knew that she would do an interview with us one at a time but I thought it would be in our home. So I am a little relieved that it will not be in our home (although she will be coming over at some point). At the same time the individual interviews not being in our home make me a little nervous.

Personally I know that I will do fine in the interview and give all of the right answers. I am not trying to be cocky or think that I am perfect but I always interview well, I retain information really well, and I have been through one of these interviews before. My husband, however, gets nervous easy and you can see that nervousness all over his body. He might be better off if this was in our home where he is more comfortable. I am sure that all will be fine though. My interview is the day before his, so I can come home and go over the questions with him and help him prepare for his interview.

This is such a huge leap forward from where we have been and this means that we are getting very close to finishing our licensing process. Soon, we will be parents! (by soon I mean some time this year)

So whats left now? We still need to get all of our background check information in (we have Paul's, I am just finishing writing out a statement, and my letter is on the way to us and then I need to write out a statement). We have our first interviews scheduled for 2 weeks from now, and then its the home visit and that I think that just might be it!! All done! Of course, often times we have to do a second home visit because we could be missing something. I will be going over the check list and making sure that we have everything, anything that we are missing I will pick up when we get our income taxes back, likely to be February 1st. We will also be getting a van with our tax return. We cant wait for this new chapter in our lives to start!

Excitement!

I couldn't be more excited! Our background checks came back, and that is a huge step forward for us! It has been one of my big fears, that something from our past would pop up on a background check and our path to parenthood would come to a halt. We are pleasantly surprised.

Although while reading through our next steps I hear Ricky saying "Lucy, you have some explaining to do" its not as bad or as scary as I feared and the person that is going through all of our information for this part of it is really nice and easy to work with.

So, next up for us is to get a hold of some documents (already sent for), write out some statements (already mostly done), turn those things in and then we should be to the home visit. Things should really start moving fast now!

In a few short months, we WILL be parents!

Our little girl, our first child....she is out there, we just have to find her and bring her home.

AHHHHH!

Today has been a really crappy day. I am completely stressed and feel like I am on the brink of snapping any moment. Granted, Mondays are usually rough at work but this one hit me even harder and most of it had nothing to do with work at all.

I hate to get overly personal but if your a woman you might understand this one. Have you ever had a late period? The one that you know is coming but its stalled for no reason at all. Your hormones are at their peak, everything irritates you, your head throbs with vicious head aches, you want to eat everything in sight, and you have cramps like you have never had before.

Needless to say everything at work today feels like it went wrong, I couldn't get anything right, my boss seemed annoyed with me (I was annoyed with everyone), our weekly supervisor meeting lasted 45 minutes longer than it should have (with my husband blowing up my phone, that was on vibrate in my pocket, because I hadn't text him yet) and the day just sucked.

On my way home I stopped at the store to get some medicated shampoo for the dogs because they are pulling their fur out due to some weird itchy dry skin thing (no fleas) and everyone in the store was in my way. I get out of the store and bump the van next to me with my hip and the woman in the van glares at me like I smacked it with a hammer and left a fat dent. All this while talking on the phone with my husband who wouldn't stop talking long enough to hear anything I said to him.

Once I was finally headed down the road my husband called me again to tell me about a letter that we got from DSHS. Again they have sent our adoption papers back to us saying that things were not in our paper work and those things ARE in the paper work. I am so sick of that! Last time they even highlighted answers to questions saying that I didn't answer them. All this when I thought that we were done with all of the paper work from the application.

Its 5:45pm, my husband is off work at 6:30pm, I haven't made dinner, I don't want to make dinner and I don't really want to eat anything at all. I just want a hot cup of tea, my PJ's, a movie on my lap top and to be in bed. I am really done with this day.

Long Time, No Post....

I know, its been a long time since I last posted and I keep saying that I am gong to get better at posting more often. Well, here is a quick list of things that have happened since my last post:

I am now a supervisor at work.

I am working on loosing weight (still/again).

My Dad came to visit for Thanksgiving, it was sooooo good to see him!

I have started couponing and even did a class on it at work.

All of our adoption papers are finally in and today we go to get our finger prints. We still have a long road in front of us, well maybe not so long. I really depends on what comes back on our FBI checks and what we will need to get. Its likely going to be a bit of calling/writing to courts to get documents if they exist. I talked to the woman who does the checks and she also agreed that she doesn't see anything that we listed that could cause any major issues, a few more hoops to jump through, but no major issues. (yes, I am still nervous about that, nervous about anything that could lead to a no)

Paul and I are trying to stop talking about having a child as a "future child" or anything of the sort and trying to start talking about the fact that we do have a child but that our child is not living with us right now and that we are doing everything we can to bring her home. For the moment we have decided that we will only adopt one child, a girl. Later on we will likely adopt again.

Since we have been getting ourselves into the thought pattern that we have a daughter and that she is just not here right now, I have picked up several things for her. Nothing big, just little things that any girl would like. Hair accessories, nail polish and things like that. Of course, with couponing I was able to get these items free or nearly free. That really excites me because I know that I will be able to get her all sorts of little things that make a little girl fee special. I cant wait till she is here!

Busy week ahead!!

I know its been a long time since I posted.....we have been trying to get everything together and figured out.

This week I am on vacation from work. I don't remember ever having a paid vacation before but I am putting it to good use. I will be spending the week finishing getting our house together for our homestudy and turning in our applications. This is going to be a very busy week!

My plans for today:

Watch CraigsList for stuff that we still need.
Rearrange our bedroom.
Figure out how we are going to have the dogs once we have kids (since 2 of them don't get along with 1)
Move all of our cleaning supplies into our bathroom.
Move all medications/vitamins into our bathroom.
Review information about what we need for our adoption.
Deep clean the apartment.
and on and on and on.....

Busy, Busy, Busy!

Things have been busy this last week and will only be getting busier.

We got into this really nice apartment complex and we move in next Friday. Paul may or may not have the day off. If he doesn't I am going to try to get as much done on my own (with out hurting myself) as I can. Crossing my fingers in hopes that he does get the day off.

Today is our CPR class and I am not looking forward to it. I don't know why but CPR class always made me uncomfortable, but we will do what we have to do. Also, my shoulder is messed up and causing a lot of pain and that could make class a little difficult. Not to mention making packing difficult and we have a lot of that to do to.



My shoulder seems to have been dislocated, either a little or all the way. The other night Paul rolled over in bed and on me and I woke him up a bit trying to get out from under him. He put his hands down on the bed like you would to do a push up and pushed himself up and over. One of his hands was not on the bed and was on my shoulder. It made two loud snapping noises and has been hurting ever since. Lucky for me a friend of my has muscle relaxers and they are helping a bit with cramped up muscles around the shoulder blade, I have been using a heart shaped heating pad to.

I still cant believe that we got into this apartment complex, its so nice and in a gated community. It has a pool, spa, dry sauna, tanning, indoor full sized basketball court, work out room, play grounds, wood burning fireplace, washer and dryer, its a three bedroom and we are going to be right next to the main play ground! Its perfect!! And it sort of makes me look forward to our homestudy rather than fearing it so much.

Maybe, Maybe, MAYBE!!!

I think we have found the perfect apartment. Although we had said that we wanted to move into a house we have been looking at apartments just to make sure that we don't miss out on some great deal. Its a 3 bedroom, 2 bath, bottom floor, wood burning fireplace, out door pool, dry sauna, hot rub, work out room, indoor basketball court/fitness room, gated community, washer/dryer, huge freaking apartment.

So if you cant tell I am excited, but I am nervous too. What if something comes up and we cant move in. I know the lady said "worse case scenario you will pay first, last, and deposit but we will work with you on the last and give you 3 months to pay it" and she seemed very positive that we will get the apartment. But, I am cautious and am trying not to count my chickens before they hatch while staying positive.

PRIDE Graduation!

Yesterday was our last class and we have graduated PRIDE training! I was feeling very nervous about that yesterday and for no reason, I was just afraid that something would happen and we would have to redo all or part of some of the classes. Not everyone in our class graduated and some have make up work to do, but we did it! We finally got through it! I had to turn in the PRIDE training book that I have been dragging around with me for a year but they did give us a disk of the book which will make it easier when I want to look something up. We still have a lot to do before we are ready to adopt though.




So whats next.....

Now the push is really on to get moved, we looked at an apartment yesterday, I really liked it, Paul didn't like some of the people that he saw in the complex. I didn't notice what he did. Its possible that I was overly focused on the great 3 bedroom apartment, fire place, 4 play grounds, 2 pools, hot tub, small gym and the fact that there is a YMCA near by. Some times I have blinders on and don't see everything around me. Which is why I really prefer looking at these places together.




We still have a lot that we need to do and a lot that we need to get. Its a little stressful but we have the big and hard part done. The rest is just following the process.

Our Current To Do List:

Find A New Place
Move
Pet Shots (we have a shot clinic today for the dogs)
Get Copies Of Divorce Decrees and New Marriage License
TB Tests
Physicals
Finish Paper Work and Turn It In (cant do until we have moved)
FBI Checks
Create House Rules & Discipline
Create Evacuation Plan (cant do until we have moved)
Make Lists Of Schools/Licensed Day Care (cant do until we have moved)
Car Insurance (we need something new and cheaper)


Things We Know We Need Once We Have Moved:

4 Beds (twin beds or bunk beds, no we don't want 4 kids but want to make sure we are prepared for anything)
4 Twin Sized Mattress Covers
4 Sets Of Twin Sized Bedding
4 Pillows
4 New Towels
4 Small Dressers or 2 Large Ones
First Aide Kit
CPR Mask
New Fire Extinguisher
Outlet Covers
2 Laundry Baskets
Locking Door Nob For Our Bedroom
A Way To Lock Up Cleaning Supplies
Toys, Clothes, Shoes, Books
The List Could Go On A Mile.


Today we are taking the dogs to get their shots, this should be fun since they are still not all getting along so we have to take separate cars and will need to pull out the muzzles. Also, we are going to look some more for rentals.

Feeling very nervous!

I don't know what the deal is, but I feel very nervous. Yesterday I finally got my Washington drivers license (the picture is really bad), and they made me take the written test since I hadn't taken it since I was 15, but I did get a 100% on the test. Today is our last adoption class. We expect it to be a longer class and there will be a panel of foster kids in the class today. Sunday we have the shot clinic for the dogs and we are going to go look at this super nice apartment complex that we have been talking about. Next weekend we start the CPR/First Aide/Blood Born Deceases classes.

I guess maybe its that everything is coming together and we are getting closer and closer to our homestudy which will lead to placement. We still have awhile (a few months) but its coming up quick. This month just flew by.

Whats getting to me right now is some work stuff, moving, finishing PRIDE class, pet shot clinics, saving money, our current apartment complex, CPR class, and of the homestudy that we are not even close to having yet. There is just so much that we need and so much that we need to do.

(oh, my arm lumps turned out to be torn muscles and mostly healed up now)

Yesterday didn't go so well.

I did manage to re-blue my hair, clean house, clean the rat cage, clean the cat boxes, do the laundry, wash all of our blankets and bedding, and got a lot of reading done in my book, but the last part of things that I wanted to do before Paul got off work didn't go so well. I had intended to go get my nails done, go to the library to pick up another adoption book that I have been wanting and go have the lumps in my arm looked at (I have 3 now and they are freaking me out). However, when I went to the nail salon my day went to crap. The woman clipped, with nail clippers, my acrylic nails, breaking and cracking them and that made many of them too short and none of them even. I got up and walked out and had to go to the store pick up some polish and things to fix my nails. Grrr!

Today should be a good day though!

We are going to a friends/neighbors wedding after PRIDE class. I couldn't be happier for them!! After class we are going to drop by the library and pick up my book and tomorrow I am going to the doctor to have the lumps looked at.

Of course we also have class today too, last class was a little intense so we will see who actually shows up today and who doesn't. I am pretty sick of the snide aptitude of the "teacher" and her husband, hopefully they have dropped out. After this class we will have one more left!



We are still on the search for a place to move to.

Interesting week....

This week the normal day time supervisor was out on vacation, which means that I filled in his shoes. I was a little worried about working Monday as I have only recently started working Mondays again. It had been about a year since I had been working Mondays. I had heard, from the normal day time supervisor and from our operations manager, that Mondays were getting a little crazy and busy. It wasn't. My Monday this week was nice, pleasant and easy to handle, in fact every Monday that I have worked recently has been pleasant. To be honest this whole week was fairly nice, Wednesday got a little sticky but it was still a nice day. Nearly everyone at work is sad to see my week in the supervisor seat come to an end. Seems that every time I take over they have the same reaction.

I have been doing a lot of reading this week too! The book that I have been reading is called "The Connected Child" and its a great book about attachment with your adopted or foster child. Tons of good information and makes some of my fears about what our children will be like dissipate a bit. I am not sure that I agree with everything that I have read in the book but there is enough good information that it kept me reading!



The lump in my arm that I was seen at the emergency room last weekend is still there, has gotten bigger and now I have another one. The hospital wanted me to have it rechecked this week and I tried to make an appointment with the clinic that they referred me to but was not able to do it. The clinic only has 1 doctor in it now and has no appointments available until October. So at some point today I will be going back to the emergency room. The hard lumps really have me worried.

There is so much to do today, I need to clean house, do laundry, get my nails done, go to the doctor, go to the library (I am picking up a new adoption book today) and the list could go on forever. Normally I would get my laundry going first since I am washing the blankets on the bed and everything but I have to wait for the bank to open so that I can get quarters. I really miss having our own washer and dryer.

Cant wait for tomorrows PRIDE Class!

Feeling a little stressed this morning....

I have so much on my mind right now, all of the things that we need to get done and its giving me a real sense of stress and urgency even though it shouldn't. We still have two weeks of PRIDE classes left and then our first aide/CPR classes the next month and we still have other stuff to do to before we can even think about finishing our paper work and turning it in. Yet I feel stressed to move from this apartment like I have to do it right now. Really, the only reason that we are here is because its cheap and we can save money while we are living here so that we can move and do all of the other things that we need to do before we turn in our paper work. I just cant shake the stress of feeling like we need to be moved. I know deep down that when the time comes I will find us the right house at the right price. Just the other day I was talking to a guy about his rental and had him talked down from $1,500 for a deposit to $800. I really need to stop focusing so much on moving and really look into all of the other things we need to do, like getting our physicals done, getting the pets their shots, changing the oil in the car, and so on. Also adding to my stress at the moment is this odd lump in my arm, you cant see it, but I can feel it, its on the muscle and sore to the touch and hard. If it gets worse I may need to go to the doctor.

Half way through PRIDE classes!

Well today marks it! We are now half way through the PRIDE classes. Next month we have our first aide, blood born diseases and CPR for all ages. Our savings account is still growing at a good rate and we are really excited about moving, although we have still not found the right place. Really, its that we haven't found the right place at the right price, every place that we have found that would be good has been about $100 our of our budget and we have to really stick to it. If we can stick to our budget then we can continue to save money, get bills paid, have food on the table, and still have some fun too.


As far as class goes, this class was a little more intense and I am not expecting everyone to show up next class. It did seem that we were missing 1 or 2 people this week but I cant put my finger on who. Some people have done the fost/adopt or foster thing before and they are in it and know what they are getting into, some are like us and did a lot of research and know what we are getting into and others are very green and worry me. Of course, "teacher" showed up again.

It seems that "teacher" doesn't irritate me as I heard some naughty comments coming from someone else in the class. She has a very snide way about her and every time someone says something positive about teachers and how they help kids she looks around the room with this snobby look on her face as though she is personally responsible for every positive act that any teacher on the face of the planet has ever done. Not to mention the fact that she always has something to say that no one cares about and no one wants to hear. There are other people in the class that always seem to have something to say but its usually the other people who have fostered and/or adopted before and most times they have something useful to add. Whats more interesting is that I find myself adding in comments as well, more than I thought I would, but I have been doing a lot of studying and researching.



Most of the class was about attachment and attachment disorders in children as well as how to deal with some of those things. We also talked about trauma, abuse and other such things as well as watching a rather disturbing video. Something else that keeps coming up that bothers me is when they start talking about failed adoptions and kids being moved from home to home. I just cant figure out how you would have a failed adoption. I mean once you get that far how can you "give the kid back" I mean, life doesn't work that way and for those that think that it does....I have other words for you. I know that once we are placed, thats that.

Fingers crossed!

We just took a drive down this little dirt road near a for rent sign. At the end of this little bitty drive way that is covered in trees and ferns and all sorts of Washington underbrush was this cute 3 bedroom house that over looks the pond in Bresemann Forest. There were massive sized hammocks hanging in trees and we could just imagine living there. It is, however, slightly out of our price range, not an impossible distance but far enough to make me squirm a bit. I tried to get a viewing of the inside of it today but no luck, I will try again tomorrow. Fingers crossed!!

Still looking....

This morning I thought that I had found the answers to our moving need. A 3 bedroom, 2 bath house with a fully fenced huge back yard and tons and tons of parking area's and storage and it was here in Spanaway and for a really good price a month. So we went searching and we found it. :( It was a dump. In front of it (on the same drive way) were two trashy mobile homes. Not that I have anything against mobiles, but these were tore up, trashy, crap in the yards, and not good people hanging out in front of them. So not its back to searching. Paul really wants to stay in the area and I agree but hes not giving me much wiggle room. I found another that's midland, which is about 2 miles in the other direction of where he wants to be so hes not interested in it. I understand his point and I hope that he understands mine too. When it comes down to "we need to move in the next couple of weeks" time, if we haven't found the best spot we can get right in the area he wants, we will have to choose a slightly different area. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I want to move to the other side of the county or anything, but we might end up a few miles in any direction from where he really wants to be.



3 more weeks of PRIDE to go, then its on to CPR, Blood Born Diseases and First Aide, by the end of all of that we need to be moved and ready to turn in our forms! We now have a good amount of money in our savings account, in part due to our putting money in there and in part due to this neat savings account we have that takes $1 from our checking account every time we use our ATM cards and we never carry cash. Oh, and I went over (again) the list of stuff that they look for on a background check that will keep you from adopting or being a foster parent, I know I need to stop worrying so much but we still have nothing on that list. There are some other things that come up on the questions that I am concerned about but I think we should be fine as we are being fully open and honest with things rather than having them pop up on some unknown place.

One last note, I am still not feeling well.

First Class!

Our first class is over! There were a few things that were said in the class that didn't make sense at first but were cleared up and were actually just the way I thought they were. Which means that all of my research is paying off and that I really do know what we are getting into. I get nervous about that some times, wondering if I really know what we are doing, its always good to know that I do.

We met some interesting people, some I would like to get to know more and some that I would rather pretend don't exist. I had a rather irritating encounter with a woman in the class, she is a teacher and we clash severely. We were separated from our spouses into groups to do a group activity. She instantly desired that she was the group leader and that myself and two Hispanic women that I was sitting between were not really to be treated as part of the group and our thoughts didn't matter. It was very much as though she didn't like us because we were different than her and she was only interested in hearing from others in our group that were like her. I stood up behind her (she was seated) and tried to make sure that she had it clear that I wanted to be heard, she decided to argue my points and refused to write my opinions, or the opinions of the other two women. Rather than make a huge fuss on the first day of class I sat back down between the two other women and chit chatted with them while "teacher" wrote her thoughts on the paper and the other three women nodded like good sheep in agreement. I hope I don't get stuck in a group with her again.

Aside from the one incident the class was good and I look forward to next week and to not being sick through the whole class. We are going to learn some great tools and we have some great teachers.

Things I want to learn more about: RAD, trauma parenting..... Time to visit the library!

Today is the first day of our classes!

Last night I was super super sick. It started at work, I threw up once and then started feeling better, that is until we had dinner. After dinner I started having chills, sweating and my whole body hurt. I was terrified that I would feel like that this morning too. So I went to bed. I piled on the blankets and buried my head in them hoping for some sort of relief. A few hours later we were woken up by a super loud argument going on out side that felt like it lasted for hours, and I felt even worse. Then, after hours and hours of sleep (I went to bed around 6pm and got up at 5:30am, which is sleeping in for me) my alarm clock went off and I got up. I still have a headache and my back hurts (due to my bed) but I don't feel sick any more!!

This week went by so slow for me, knowing that the classes start today, but we are finally here. I talked to someone from the NWAE.org the other day and got some interesting information about what they do and how it all works, and that has me even more excited. There are kids on their site that I really like and that I want to meet. I haven't told Paul too much about them because he doesn't like to see something, get excited about it and then have it not work out. Until we get our classes done and the homestudy done there really isn't any reason to get to involved in looking at kids. The NWAE really makes it very easy and they are very helpful. They, like everyone else, did tell me about how its harder to adopt through foster care directly than it is to go through an agency. Although I do understand why they are saying that, its way cheaper (as in free) to adopt through the state and since I already have my eye on a set of kids that are on the NWAE website, that cuts out some of the hard stuff.

Yes, I am sure that it might be easier to hand over a wad of money to an agency and tell them to find you kids with certain qualities and let them match you up, but it makes much more sense to me to do this our way. We would rather save that wad of money to spend on kids and I would rather find them myself. As I learned from my Dad a long time ago, the easy way is not always the right way and many times is the wrong way. While looking through the children that are posted on sites like NWAE.org I try very hard to not look at their disabilities and things (should they have any) and try to focus on who they are. Doing it that way makes much more sense to me, after all, if I were pregnant, would we reject our child due to a disability. Of course at the same time I know that I will not take on a child with disabilities that I wouldn't know how to handle since we are adopting older children, its not as though we would have them since birth and been able to adjust slowly to something. The kids that I have my eye on do not have any disabilities that I have read about, but they do have some emotional issues, after going through what they have been through and living in foster care and what not, I expect that any child we adopt will have emotional issues.

Ok, that's all for now, I am off to start getting ready to go!!

(Did I mention that we got a new couch! Its blue leather! And it was free!!)

The big day.....again....

Well, tomorrow is the big day, again.

Wedding Day!

Really, its the beginning of a brand new chapter in our lives. Going to renew our vows, make our marriage legal (even though we have a certified copy of our marriage license from 2008, its not legal as we found out at the beginning of this year) and really get things going. We have a good amount of money saved, and are looking for a new place. There have been a couple of places that really have our attention but we still have a while before we will have the money saved and a while longer before we will be ready to move.

To Do List For Tomorrow:

Clean house
Re-blue my bangs
Meet Mandi at the nail shop at 9am
Make pasta salad
Get dressed
Get re-married
BBQ


We are now 7 days from our adoption classes!!

Wedding Bells!

One week from tomorrow Paul and I will be re-married, not that we were ever unmarried but due to an error we are not 100% married. I am excited about the wedding, new friends Mandi and Tony will be joining us as well as Paul's brother David. We will always celebrate our first wedding anniversary as the real one.

It took me a while but I finally got a hold of someone to marry us. I had talked to one person who was going to do it for us for $250 at her home but after spending a week trying to get a hold of her again (we first talked about this back in March) and not getting through to her I said forget her and moved on. I called every judge in the area that does wedding and they were all either booked for the next several weeks or on vacation through August. Then I came across Cynthia online and gave her a call. That was that, we are all set for 7/30 at 1pm, at her home in North Tacoma, and for only $125!! It really seems like it was all meant to be. She sent me a list of different ring ceremonies and reminded me that this is a great time to renew our vows.

At first I didn't even think about renewing our vows. I mean I know that we want to at some point but now? Then I read through the vow options that Cynthia sent me, some were based on a couple and some were based on children and that got me thinking. This is a perfect time to renew our vows. We are opening a new chapter in our lives. Things have been going much better for us and we have really grown as individuals and as a couple, and a lot of the mistakes from our past are truly in our past and we can see them never happening again. No we are not perfect and we will never be, but we will always be perfect for each other.

As our new chapter in life opens we are looking forward to getting remarried next weekend, our adopt classes (15 days away, but who's counting...), moving into a larger and better home, the homestudy and adoption. The next 6 months for us is going to be huge and full of changes!

Getting Down To Business

Well, things are starting to get serious around here. We are a couple of weeks away from the PRIDE classes and we got the fost/adopt application in the mail yesterday. There is so much that we need to do....

Get my WA drivers license (I still have NV)
Get remarried
Create a good solid budget and start making cuts
Save money so we can move around the end of Aug./beginning of Sept.
Get copies of our divorce decrees from our pasts
And the list goes on and on and on!

Long list or no, we are so freaking excited, and nervous. If things go nice and smooth its possible for us to have children in a few months. Just saying that scares me and excites me at the same time. Will I be a good Mom?

I have wanted this for so long and now we are coming up to making it happen and I fear that I wont be a good parent or that I will be to protective or that I will baby them or, or, or, or. Well, you can see where I am going on that. Although I know that a lot of my fears are silly, there is one that I know isn't so silly. Because I have wanted this for so long I know that there will be a "honeymoon" period once we have our children and I don't want to find myself stuck in the mindset of "everything is wonderful" when I know that things will not always be wonderful and that we will have ups and downs. Other fost/adopt Mom's that I have talked to say that the fact that I am aware of this will help. I'm so nervous and Paul....he seems to be cool and relaxed about it all and I don't think that he worries as much as I do about it all.