Broken Bits

I feel broken down, my body aches
My heart it bleeds from past mistakes
I can't stop the tears, they fall like rain
The words are spinning 'round my brain
So scared and feeling so alone
The coldness fills my every bone
No food, no sleep, can't think at all
Each way I turn, another wall
This darkness haunts my very soul
My world seems dead I've lost all control
The only weapon is my pen
Do I really have the strength to start again

Half way through PRIDE classes!

Well today marks it! We are now half way through the PRIDE classes. Next month we have our first aide, blood born diseases and CPR for all ages. Our savings account is still growing at a good rate and we are really excited about moving, although we have still not found the right place. Really, its that we haven't found the right place at the right price, every place that we have found that would be good has been about $100 our of our budget and we have to really stick to it. If we can stick to our budget then we can continue to save money, get bills paid, have food on the table, and still have some fun too.


As far as class goes, this class was a little more intense and I am not expecting everyone to show up next class. It did seem that we were missing 1 or 2 people this week but I cant put my finger on who. Some people have done the fost/adopt or foster thing before and they are in it and know what they are getting into, some are like us and did a lot of research and know what we are getting into and others are very green and worry me. Of course, "teacher" showed up again.

It seems that "teacher" doesn't irritate me as I heard some naughty comments coming from someone else in the class. She has a very snide way about her and every time someone says something positive about teachers and how they help kids she looks around the room with this snobby look on her face as though she is personally responsible for every positive act that any teacher on the face of the planet has ever done. Not to mention the fact that she always has something to say that no one cares about and no one wants to hear. There are other people in the class that always seem to have something to say but its usually the other people who have fostered and/or adopted before and most times they have something useful to add. Whats more interesting is that I find myself adding in comments as well, more than I thought I would, but I have been doing a lot of studying and researching.



Most of the class was about attachment and attachment disorders in children as well as how to deal with some of those things. We also talked about trauma, abuse and other such things as well as watching a rather disturbing video. Something else that keeps coming up that bothers me is when they start talking about failed adoptions and kids being moved from home to home. I just cant figure out how you would have a failed adoption. I mean once you get that far how can you "give the kid back" I mean, life doesn't work that way and for those that think that it does....I have other words for you. I know that once we are placed, thats that.

I hate our couch!

We need a new couch in the worst possible way. Its torn up, smelled bad when we got it and still stinks, its uncomfortable and even when the dog sits on the couch her butt starts to sink in so just imagine what ours do. To top it off this morning I got up, as promised to take Emmy (Paul's dog) out to potty. She is used to getting up at about 3am with me. Normally this wouldn't have been that big of a deal but we didn't get to bed until about 2am.

When we got home last night I took all of the dogs out to potty and have a drink and some food before sending them to their beds for the night so little Emmy didn't make a peep until about 6am. Normally this would have given me about 4 hours of sleep and I would have sat, like a zombie, in front of the computer playing games. However, I have a very bad tooth that is causing so much pain that I have found myself in screaming pain that brings me to tears, and I had a really hard time sleeping. I fell asleep around 4:30-5am.

So, after taking princess Emmy out to potty I grabbed my pillow and a blanket and tried to sleep on the couch. I hate hate hate hate hate this couch! So there I am, cold, a cat on my head, Emmy wont leave me alone, tooth in pain, and now laying on the evil couch trying to sleep.... About an hour later Paul got up and went to bed and slept till nearly 11am.

The couch has got to go. There is stuff that we needed to do today but I am to distracted with back pain from the couch and tooth pain that is unbelievable to get anything done. I feel sort of lazy because of that but then again we have a long time (a month and a half at the very least) before we need to have the paper work done and I have already done a lot of work on it. But we are 6 days from our re-wedding (thank you to David (Paul's brother) and Mandi and Tony (Mandi and I work together) for being our witnesses and joining us that day. We are also 13 days till our first of the last adoption classes!

Goal for tomorrow, fill out 90% of my adoption paperwork and try to figure out something to do with this stupid tooth....

(added note....I am the one who picked out this couch because it was cheap....you get what you pay for, in our case though I think they should have paid us to take it)