It feels like it has been a year since I last posted here. In truth its only been a few months since we were given the devastating news that we would have to put a stop to our adoption process. We were both completely crushed. The whole event was so traumatizing that it felt as our children had died right in front of us. For months we had been struggling to keep up with bill and everything in an apartment complex that we hated because it was the perfect place to have a child. After some long thought and discussion we moved and are now in a small house in Tacoma and we are much happier there. If someone had told me when we moved into "the perfect complex" that we would move 6 months later to Hill Top to get a good nights sleep and away from all of the drama and insanity, I would have said that someone was nuts, but that is exactly what happened.
Our new house is only a 2 bedroom, so when we adopt it will be either 1 child or 2 of the same sex. We are not set up for 2 but it could easily be done. Actually at this point we are not set up for any children as 2 of our dogs and things that have not gone into the storage shed yet are in that bed room. We have a very long "to do" list before we are ready to try this all again. This time though, there is nothing they can do to surprise me.
They really caught us off guard, even though I knew that there would be some issues, tell us to stop completely for 2 years was a shock. Based on what they told me then, 2 years is not really correct, in fact its more like 1.5 years. So, next spring, we will be reapplying, and I will be ready for anything they have to throw at us.
When I go to sleep every night I see my child, I hear her voice, I feel her skin against mine as I hug her. Some times waking up is so hard and such a punishment.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Restoring Hope
It feels like it has been a year since I last posted here. In truth its only been a few months since we were given the devastating news that we would have to put a stop to our adoption process. We were both completely crushed. The whole event was so traumatizing that it felt as our children had died right in front of us. For months we had been struggling to keep up with bill and everything in an apartment complex that we hated because it was the perfect place to have a child. After some long thought and discussion we moved and are now in a small house in Tacoma and we are much happier there. If someone had told me when we moved into "the perfect complex" that we would move 6 months later to Hill Top to get a good nights sleep and away from all of the drama and insanity, I would have said that someone was nuts, but that is exactly what happened.
Our new house is only a 2 bedroom, so when we adopt it will be either 1 child or 2 of the same sex. We are not set up for 2 but it could easily be done. Actually at this point we are not set up for any children as 2 of our dogs and things that have not gone into the storage shed yet are in that bed room. We have a very long "to do" list before we are ready to try this all again. This time though, there is nothing they can do to surprise me.
They really caught us off guard, even though I knew that there would be some issues, tell us to stop completely for 2 years was a shock. Based on what they told me then, 2 years is not really correct, in fact its more like 1.5 years. So, next spring, we will be reapplying, and I will be ready for anything they have to throw at us.
When I go to sleep every night I see my child, I hear her voice, I feel her skin against mine as I hug her. Some times waking up is so hard and such a punishment.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
She will be with you one day and it will be as amazing as you dreamed. Even when it's hard (and it will be), you'll feel so blessed to have her.
ReplyDeleteOh, Heather. I am so sorry. This just breaks my heart. I had wanted to ask you on FB what was going on but I did not want to bring it up if something bad had happened. I just assumed you and Paul were still waiting and that you had to get settled in the new house. I have a lost of stuff come through where I post on FB about my blog posts. Most of which are about my weight. My degenerative disk disease and my osteoarthritis. I don't talk a whole lot about the other reason I have to lose the weight. I am 37 years old and have never been able to conceive. I tried with my ex husband and was even 40 lb thinner then. Nothing. I have been trying with Matt for over a year, still nothing. It turns out that now my weight, age, and we found fibroid's are all blocking me from having a baby. Docs are pushing for weight loss surgery which scares the crap out of me. My body hurts so much because of the DDD in my back and the arthritis in my hips, that the thought of carrying a baby scares me too. I am not too keen on fertility, but my husband wants to try after they remove the fibroids. I feel like I am being pushed in so many directions I have right now. I don't know what your situation is. I just know that you made the choice to adopt. As a kid when my friends were talking about marriage and how many kids they wanted to have I always told them I wanted to adopt. That hasnt change. Now I want to more than ever. Thankfully my husband is ok with that. When I found out at age 26 that my father was not my bio father and that he adopted me, that need to adopt grew. Of course I question my ability to be a mom, which is silly since I have been a step-mom for the last 4 years. At the end of the day - despite what got us to this point, we are similar spirits. I wish you and Paul nothing but good from here on out and just know... even though you are surrounded by family and friends...you have one more right here in internetland :)
ReplyDeleteIts a tough and long road. At the end of the road though is ssomething wonderful. I think itss my dream of what could be that keeps me pushing forward. :)
DeleteIts a tough and long road. At the end of the road though is ssomething wonderful. I think itss my dream of what could be that keeps me pushing forward. :)
DeleteIts a tough and long road. At the end of the road though is ssomething wonderful. I think itss my dream of what could be that keeps me pushing forward. :)
DeleteIts a tough and long road. At the end of the road though is ssomething wonderful. I think itss my dream of what could be that keeps me pushing forward. :)
Delete